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Personal IC experiences
 Shovel Shack : Personal IC experiences
Subject Topic: Another life
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HarryTick
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Joined: Dec-07-05
Location: United States
Posts: 186
Posted: Apr-11-10 at 4:19pm | IP Logged  

This was so long ago that it literally feels like a different life.

For so many years, my friendships away from work revolved around the church. I was never the outgoing, overly friendly type of person, so I find it hard to establish friendships. Partly because I have no hobbies. What I do for a living is what I enjoy doing, flying. I can't afford to do it away from work, so there is very little to build friendships over.

Add to that the consequence of my job being constant moves, and I'm probably pretty stunted as far as being able to build a rapport and establish friendships. While we're compounding the issues, I'm fiercely independent, and grew up as a military brat. Friendships became disposable by nature of necessity.

I guess the thought is realizing how much I relied on the IC for friends whenever I moved because the doctrines and activities created the situation and a common ground to begin from. The thought is also realizing how all of this has distorted my whole idea of friendship.

      

Love,
Bill
theHarryTick™

heretic - n 1: a person who holds beliefs in conflict with the dogma of churches.
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luvin
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Joined: May-20-02
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Posted: Apr-11-10 at 5:07pm | IP Logged  

Much like any relationship often times friendships take work. They take time and some effort to be available etc.. With having a family and raising kids and working it is really, really tough to fit stuff like that into my life. That is why I always try to hook up with people who I find a certain synergy with that I might not find with anyone else. Sometimes those friendships just happen while at work,etc...but hey..I can only give what I can give! I see what you mean and relate Bill.

      

It is peace[the kind we long for] to know that my life patterns do not distract or derail the Living God"-Adam

http:newthatsliving.blogspot.com
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mcdave
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Posted: Apr-11-10 at 8:40pm | IP Logged  

I think that real friends are rare.I'm not even sure the dynamics of how it happens.It seems like a real friends,those you would feel totally comfortable with in any situation,are few and far between.I had a lot of acquaintances but really only one person in all the years at church that i would call a friend.that even surprised me when i heard his wife say he considered me his close friend.there was no point  in time where we decided were friends,it just happend.of course when the church had its split grace vs law,he ended up leaving and moving to florida.that was 14 years ago.

  now,i wonder at the odds of finding that connection.i think as guys,the church did provide a shadow of friendship and for most of us that was enough for its time..I do know that having met several of the men(and women) from here,that there is a deeper connection in Christ that  fosters that common ground Bill mentioned.Too bad we all seem to live at all different points of the county.



Edited by mcdave on Apr-11-10 at 9:09pm


      

     It's not works,it's coffee.
   

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Tim P
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Posted: Apr-11-10 at 10:44pm | IP Logged  

We're not that far from each other, Dave.

What does it really mean to be a friend?  Have I been chasing something that is illusive and beating myself for not finding it?
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nyagali
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Joined: Apr-03-07
Location: Canada
Posts: 323
Posted: Apr-12-10 at 3:32pm | IP Logged  

Bill, I appreciated what you wrote. Someone pointed
out to me the other day that we are created in the
image of God and God is 3. God is and always has
existed in relationship. All the commandments are
about relationships, not really about the deeds, but
the deeds being wrong because it violates the
relationship. It is wrong to steal because it takes
something from another person etc.... they are all
about relationship. God created us to experience
relationship in order to experience HIM. The prayer
of Jesus before the cross was that we would be one
(in the body) as they were one.
I guess in your situation, you can only have
temporary relationships in person for a while but
this is exactly where God has put you too. I know
for me God kept taking relationships OUT of my life
until I finally threw up my hands in frustration at
him. I was so upset. But God, in his love, said that
I first had to learn to depend and look to Him, not
any other form of support. Then he slowly brought
people back and it is so different now. True friends
always either stay or come back. That is the
character of God...he is love and we can experience
this love between one another. I'm learning and
growing and enjoying this part of His life.
Joy
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Dignz
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Posted: Apr-12-10 at 9:17pm | IP Logged  

"The thought is also realizing how all of this has distorted my whole idea of friendship."  <~~Bill

and what is your idea of friendship now since the other life is so far away and no longer? 

i can sooo relate with the 'temporary' friendships as far as the military goes.  when i was a child, my dad was air force.  we moved sometimes after only a year somewhere, sometimes after 2 years and sometimes after 3.  never longer than that. 

friendship from the world's perspective is a complicated and often fickle thing, isn't it?  so many expectations between people ... sadly they are very often UN-realistic expectations based on the individual's idea of how they want their 'friend' to 'be'.  

remember that little saying in childhood?  the one that went like this:  "i won't be your friend if dot dot dot ..."  fill in the blank.  or:  "i'll be your friend if dot dot dot ..." fill in the blank.   




      

"afterall, he's not a tame lion"
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the shovel
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Posted: Apr-13-10 at 3:32am | IP Logged  

Quote:
friendship from the world's perspective is a complicated and often fickle thing, isn't it?  so many expectations between people ... sadly they are very often UN-realistic expectations based on the individual's idea of how they want their 'friend' to 'be'.


So true!


      

DIGGIN'THE LIFE!
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Dignz
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Posted: Apr-13-10 at 11:21am | IP Logged  

i will blather a bit here: 

the phrase just came to mind:   the 'performing' of friendship ... i was thinking about how there have been and still are so many books and articles out there on the subject of friendship.  old ones, new ones, ones in the making even at present, and i am sure many more to come.  has anyone found the perfect one yet?  the one that works first time every time? 

there seems to be so many different kinds and flavors of friendship along this journey.  my personal experiences with friendships in the 'church' were as temporary as how faithful, humble, spiritually strong, prayerfully strong, witnessingly strong, sacrificially strong, sufferingly strong, dot dot dot ... fill in the blank ... however it was that i may have been perceived and judged to be at any given time, circumstance and situation.  as innocent as it may all seem to have been at times, it could all be very tricky, of course.  very relative according to the adopted requirements and expectations at any given time.  that common ground of 'friendship' was always very shaky, unsteady, distorted and untrustworthy.  i managed to come up very 'short' of expectations all the time.  not to forget the complications from my OWN expectations as well.

as wonderful of times we DID have and very much enjoyed and appreciated in those experiences, the real and genuine times of friendship were all too often exchanged and sacrificed for the more religious expectations and requirements to be fulfilled.  they were, after all GOD's requirements and expectations, ya know.    so if you didn't measure up accordingly, then ... well ...  that kind of 'friendship' simply did not and could not last.  it was set-up and doomed to fail before it even began, if you know what i mean?

it really is no different in the work place, the family, the neighbors, the dot dot dot ... fill in the blank again.

all in all, it seems that friendships are as unique as the individuals and combinations that make them up.  some things bind them closer than others. some are best with/for sad connections, some are best with/for happy connections, some are best with/for helpful needy connections, some are best with/for relaxing connections, some are good with/for healing connections, comforting connections, some are miraculously good at a total connection ... far and few between if at all ... short term connections, long term connections, and  ... . 

it seems the best friendships are those that simply pick up where they left off the last time they were together:  in conversation, projects, visits, helps, fun, sadness, etc. ... whether a short time ago or a longer time ago.  doesn't really matter.  distance, time, lack of communication does not end it ... they are merely temporary circumstances, while yet hearts are still joined if ya know what i mean?

the friendship we have together in and with christ will simply continue on now and forever more .... there's not even a dropping off place or time ... just continual ever after.  a miraculous friendship that is truly grounded on SOLID ground ... never shaky or in danger. 


Edited by Dignz on Apr-13-10 at 12:25pm


      

"afterall, he's not a tame lion"
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HarryTick
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Location: United States
Posts: 186
Posted: Apr-13-10 at 3:43pm | IP Logged  

I reread my original posting and would like to clarify that since I have no hobbies, there is little in common with my neighbors to foster that frequent contact that seems to be the basis for many friendships. Such as those friendships from church that I mentioned before.

Sherri asks, "and what is your idea of friendship now since the other life is so far away and no longer?"

I don't know if my idea of friendship has changed, so much as I realize that I no longer have that ready-made source of acquaintances with which to build friendships. What I find was distorted, was the proportion of trust automatically extended simply because we went to church together.

Some of that original post is out of this disconnected feeling I have here. I care about these people I work with, but there is no "connection" that I would define as a friendship. I don't share responsibilities, duties, timelines with anyone. Basically, I don't "go to church" with anyone here.

5 months down, 7 to go. I miss home, but that too, seems like another life.

I guess that is a bit of a downer there, but I'm thankful to have friends that I can share this with! (and the search engines, and anyone else who reads here) That is friendship, I think, the trust and sharing. I'm reminded of a phrase I heard somewhere fairly recently, "Friends are the family you get to choose."



      

Love,
Bill
theHarryTick™

heretic - n 1: a person who holds beliefs in conflict with the dogma of churches.
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mary
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Posted: Apr-14-10 at 1:03pm | IP Logged  


    I love you, Bill.    You have always been a such a FRIEND!


      

Mary
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rickh
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Posts: 500
Posted: Apr-14-10 at 2:26pm | IP Logged  

Dignz wrote:

... .  it seems the best friendships are those that simply pick up where they left off the last time they were together:  in conversation, projects, visits, helps, fun, sadness<span style="font-style: italic;"></span>, etc. ... whether a short time ago or a longer time ago.  doesn't really matter.  distance, time, lack of communication does not end it ... they are merely temporary circumstances, while yet hearts are still joined if ya know what i mean?


Thanks for this Sherri. I often feel guilty for not seeing you and Jim more when we only live 20 minutes away, but when we do get together, it is like you said above; no matter how much time has past, it seems like not much at all.

Bill, I feel and empathize. If it weren't for Jim and Sherri, I'd socialize with no one. It's very hard for me to feel comfortable with anyone anymore. Don't know if it's an age thing or growing out of the b.s. of the world thing. And finding anyone with anything lifewhile to say is far and few between.    The people here on the shack seem very easy to relate to for obvious reasons. Sometimes that's all that keeps me going.   Rick

      

rick
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Dignz
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Posted: Apr-15-10 at 11:00am | IP Logged  

                   

      

"afterall, he's not a tame lion"
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HarryTick
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Location: United States
Posts: 186
Posted: Apr-16-10 at 8:57am | IP Logged  

nyagali wrote:
True friends always either stay or come back. That is the character of God...he is love and we can experience this love between one another. I'm learning and growing and enjoying this part of His life.
Joy

Joy,

Thanks for this. Yes, I think it is our perspective that they "come back", but I think for them it may be that they never left.



      

Love,
Bill
theHarryTick™

heretic - n 1: a person who holds beliefs in conflict with the dogma of churches.
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nyagali
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Posts: 323
Posted: Apr-16-10 at 3:56pm | IP Logged  

HarryTick wrote:

Thanks for this. Yes, I think it is our perspective
that they "come back", but I think for them it may
be that they never left.



I've been seeing more clearly that friendships can
only go only as deep as BOTH of you are willing to
let Jesus take you. I do have friendships with those
who do not believe yet, but there is a difference
from them and those who also have a deep friendship
with Jesus. It seems a depth that can go to places
I've not even been yet. If Jesus said it is all
about love then that is what our relationships are
all about too. The depth of love is death to
self so the other can have life. This is what Jesus
did for us and what he does in us too. When both of
you live this way the love is amazingly deep. I'm
only beginning to see this, but to experience this
with another is so rare because so few are willing
to give up everything so another can have
everything. And so this love and friendship is only
experienced to the degree BOTH people give up
themselves completely. Only Jesus can do that in our
hearts of course. :-)
Joy

Edited by nyagali on Apr-16-10 at 3:57pm
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