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Personal IC experiences
 Shovel Shack : Personal IC experiences
Subject Topic: Released
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gregoryfl
Shackaddict
Shackaddict


Joined: Jan-24-08
Location: United States
Posts: 1311
Posted: May-14-08 at 9:49pm | IP Logged  

Well, tonight was my last night at the Wednesday group. I have been tormented within myself about why I was going there, what I hoped would happen as a result, being disappointed that the door never opened for that to happen. I wanted so much to share my heart with them and did a little toward the beginning. However, I just never got clearance to go ahead anymore.

I know I am free to continue going but it is always the same. Pastor basically directs the prayers, has something he wants to share, directs some more. There is no sense to me of Jesus leading this and I just keep feeling very uncomfortable in that. He is a wonderful brother, and shares many awesome insights into freedom, yet still I can just sense the people looking to him in that "pastor" way which I know works against some of the very things he thinks the church should be.

Maybe I went there for the wrong reasons, I dunno, but after it was over tonight I felt this release as I was walking home. Like God was saying, it's ok. I am releasing you from going there. Of course, it may just be me, but I did feel a certain inner peace about it, and that is where I am at for now. I do wish them the best and have no hard feelings. So much more I could say, but no need to I guess. Only sharing this to get it off my chest really, for whatever it's worth.

Ron


Edited by gregoryfl on May-14-08 at 9:56pm


      

What do you see when you look at me? Not the visible me that your eyes can see. For in Christ I am dead, yet alive and free. Free to be it all, as he lives in me.
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realrestisbest
Shackaholic
Shackaholic


Joined: Jul-28-05
Location: United States
Posts: 764
Posted: May-14-08 at 10:30pm | IP Logged  

Gregory,

I feel ya... Perhaps, he was releasing you from a burden that was just too heavy for you.  Giving you the rest that he desired so deeply to give you in this situation.  Plus, I'm realizing that the LIFE in you is always looking to share LIFE as well as is attracted to LIFE.  But if there was no LIFE in this study, and it proved to be fruitless  or dead then well it's just ...... dead.  I hope you know that this is meant in love. 






Edited by realrestisbest on May-14-08 at 10:31pm
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frmhnyb2bttrfly
Extreme Digger
Extreme Digger


Joined: Mar-25-08
Location: United States
Posts: 200
Posted: May-15-08 at 12:25am | IP Logged  

i've been going to this group (which keeps changing) for two years.  i like it better than any i've ever been to before. 

after ron left tonight, i sat near two women talking about a couple of subjects.  it was an interesting conversation.  i participated a little, too.

two years ago, i announced to the group that my time there was temporary.  "ron will worship God again some day.  And when he does, i'm outta here!" is what i told the group back then.  It's been weird for me for him to be in group.  It goes against my plans.  

People ask me when he's going to come to "church".  I say, "i won't let him come."  No one understands that.  If he ever did go, he would have to wait until the music is done to come in.  It looks like a concert in there every Sunday morning.  I like it better than old slow songs to which i don't know the words.


Edited by frmhnyb2bttrfly on May-15-08 at 12:38am


      

"for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. "
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gregoryfl
Shackaddict
Shackaddict


Joined: Jan-24-08
Location: United States
Posts: 1311
Posted: May-15-08 at 6:39am | IP Logged  

Thank you Realrest. You are so right about LIFE in me wanting to share LIFE, because if I had things my way, I not only would not  be posting on this message board, despite my frustration at times about it, (even with the freedom God has shown me I still struggle with just wanting to feel like I exist) but I would have never gotten married and just went off to live in the woods alone with the animals; which at times I feel are the only genuine friends.

Ron


      

What do you see when you look at me? Not the visible me that your eyes can see. For in Christ I am dead, yet alive and free. Free to be it all, as he lives in me.
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ShannonC
Shackaholic
Shackaholic


Joined: Jun-21-07
Location: United States
Posts: 749
Posted: May-15-08 at 9:05am | IP Logged  

Ron:



      

ShannonC
HE IS SO GOOD!
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gregoryfl
Shackaddict
Shackaddict


Joined: Jan-24-08
Location: United States
Posts: 1311
Posted: May-15-08 at 11:06am | IP Logged  

Shannon:

Thanks


      

What do you see when you look at me? Not the visible me that your eyes can see. For in Christ I am dead, yet alive and free. Free to be it all, as he lives in me.
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Dignz
Shackaddict
Shackaddict


Joined: Jul-18-06
Location: United States
Posts: 1816
Posted: May-15-08 at 11:45am | IP Logged  

can so relate with the experience and feelings, ron!  the inner peace despite it all is great!




      

"afterall, he's not a tame lion"
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gregoryfl
Shackaddict
Shackaddict


Joined: Jan-24-08
Location: United States
Posts: 1311
Posted: May-15-08 at 12:01pm | IP Logged  

Yep. 

      

What do you see when you look at me? Not the visible me that your eyes can see. For in Christ I am dead, yet alive and free. Free to be it all, as he lives in me.
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